parenting

As I’m leaving for a security conference (HackCon) in Oslo, waiting for the bus after having a really great day with my wife and child, I’m again feeling frustrated by how easy it is to lose track of the important things in the day to day.

So much of my regular frustration is tied to not just being able to “live in the fucking moment”. My head is so often just halfway somewhere else and it just makes being a good dad or husband so difficult because I end up feeling like they’re “getting in my way” somehow.

Today me and my daughter have been playing pirates, so I made her an eye-patch and she thought it was hilarious how I got super scared every time she put it on and no longer recognized her. We also played kittens so we made a little cave under the living-room table using pillows and blankets.

My friend recently mentioned that he actually appreciated manually doing dishes while visiting family in south america because it gave him a break and time to collect his thoughts. This reminded me of an opinion article about how much we’re doing to make our lives easier and more effective, presumably to give us more time for better things, right?

In reality I believe we keep filling the time saved with more of the boring or straight up harmful things; Things like doom-scrolling, or binge-watching “The Office” for the 5th time while doom-scrolling.

I want to break this cycle in my own life. I want to prioritize my mental and physical health over “easy” or “comfortable”. One change at a time, but I’m going to start with putting my phone out in the hall whenever I’m not 100% expecting to need it.

But most of all I want to create memories with the people I love and now I’m almost crying on the bus.

Happy mothers’ day